Apr. 22nd, 2011

purejuice: (loaf-haired pats)
Everyone else is predicting what Kate's wedding dress is going to look like, so Ima take a stab.

  • It will be vulgar, like the Polly Ester draped dress she wore to the announcement of her engagement, or that black velvet Libelula "coat" cut to the navel she wore to someone else's wedding in January.

    Libelula is being touted as the designer of the wedding dress.

  • It will have short, embellished sleeves or a lace bolero like Autumn Kelly's. She will not wear a strapless dress as Autumn did. Autumn is a Canadian and doesn't know any better.

    The Queen's grandson and his bride, Autumn Kelly.

  • She will not wear long sleeves as Princesses Anne and Letizia did.

    This, NB, is Princess Anne's first wedding dress, said to have been designed by herself. Her second wedding dress looks like a suit. And has long sleeves too. Please note Anne wears the tiara her mother wore at her 1947 wedding to Prince Philip.

    Please note Autumn Kelly is not wearing it.

    Here the Princess Royal can be seen marrying the help. Because she can. But since, as a divorcee, she couldn't in the Anglican church in England, she did it in Scotland in their schismatic kirk. Thence the heather.

    Letizia Ortiz, a divorcee, marries the Catholic prince of Spain. This is the best commoner's wedding dress since Princess Lilian. Letizia is working the royal mantilla and medieval coronet thing and the collar thing and the sleeves thing.

    Princess Lilian
    After his parents' deaths, Lilian finally marries Swedish prince Bertil in 1976 after 33 years together. This is a perfect example of daytime formal wear.

  • Suffice it to say, Waity's dress will not be anything like as classy as Princess Lilian's. It will not be a princess style A-line skirt in a stiff satin fabric. W's far too vain about her hips and legs to hide them.
  • It certainly will not be the fairy princess bouffant skirt worn by Diana. Who only got away with it because she was 19 or 20 years old.


  • I think Waity's dress will be draped chiffon or Polly Ester, as tight as possible from bust to below the booty.
  • I don't think it will be a full limp skirt like all the others she wears. But it might could be.

    We get it already.

    The fashion show outfit with which she allegedly first caught the eye of Prince William. We get it already.

  • If Waity goes long with the sleeves, which I doubt, they'll be transparent, either chiffon or lace.
  • I'm afraid I think the fabric will be shiny. I cringe at the thought she might actually have sequins sewn into it.
  • It will be a sheath.
  • I'll be grossed out if it has lace on it, a la Princess Grace' skintight bodice. I wouldn't put it past her.

    The slayer here is the little white Bible being carried to the altar by the virginal Grace, said to have cut quite the swathe through Hollywood's leading men.

  • I'm officially betting on skintight embellished chiffon.
  • Veil wise, she's going to go for the orange blossom head wreath. Having shacked up with the gentleman in question for 10 years, she's entitled to the traditional virgin bride flowers.
  • The veil will cover her shoulders and, I predict, have mantilla-like lace edges.
  • I think there will be a short train, not Diana's 25 foot whopper. Again, because the bride is nearly 30 years old and has been living with the groom for a decade. I think the veil will compose most of the train.
  • She's going to have one of those ribbon-wrapped stem bouquets that Everybody has.

This dress is by Alice Temperley, who Waity has worn before. Please note W wouldn't touch the Empire waistline with a 40 foot pole.

But it will be within this orbit: slim to tight, short sleeves, pintucked or draped embellished silk chiffon, a little too casual and limp, a little too low cut. Negligee, I think the word is. I am thinking of the Duchess of Windsor's tarty nightgowns.

You're asking me what I would have her wear? A beautiful textured silk cream suit and an organdy hat with a huge brim filled with fresh apricot colored flowers. With touches of blue. Killer $250,000 sapphire studs. She would carry a four inch nosegay of April flowers, with modest cream silk satin ribbon, mostly sprigs of old-fashioned herbs lke myrtle and veronica for fidelity, as per Diana's bouquet. And lace mitts.


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January 2012


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