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The Caligulan Coffee Table
Jan. 30th, 2011 10:51 amSo little Kacey Jordan was invited to Charlie Sheen's house for a partay and tweeted this pic, which she alleged was of herself and Charlie's coffee table. It is not safe for work.
( Let's just say that this is, in fact, Jordan's NSFW pic of Sheen's coffee table. )
I have to say it took me seconds to capisce what the framing device in the foreground is. Having slept on it, I find it even weirder than I found it yesterday when I first saw this pic on Gawker. The surreal abstraction properties of photography are well-known and one of the attributes of modernity, as Gogol knew, long before Gawker, when he wrote his seminal flaneur short story, The Nose. Sheen, as we all now know, thanks to the garrulous Nose, spent three hours watching porn with The Nose and critiquing the angles. We now understand that the film of it all is part of the hottness, if not the hottness itself.
The other thing Gawker did -- and clearly they get around more than I do because they pegged the coffee table as an IKEA Magiker -- was list the contents on the table top. These will form Sheen's epitaph:
http://gawker.com/5745506/charlie-sheens-porn-star-pal-posted-a-party-pic
I am aware, thanks to reading the autobography of Bill Wyman, of trix that can be turned with mouthwash. But none with Lysol wipes. Which leads me to wonder what a guy with three to five porn stars under 22 in his house wants with Lysol wipes? Or lube? Ditto the downscale and discontinued particleboard coffee table in the house of a guy who makes $50-plus million a year? Why are his bedhead hair grease and cologne on the coffee table? I should think your natural checks appeal would keep three to five porn stars under 22 moist enough.
If you know a gross use for Lysol wipes, don't tell it to me. Unless it is to wipe off the landline after the worm you employ to telephone the three to five porn stars under 22 and request the pleasure of their company at Charlie's house performs its procuring. Me, I require my procurer, Shorty, to use his personal cell phone (he gets a new pre-paid one every three weeks and also knows where the last three surviving pay phones are), because I don't want his cooties or his contacts on or in anything of mine. Maybe the Lysol wipes are for the pay phones. In which case, does Shorty carry them around in a fanny pack? Or a Gucci messenger bag (referenced here by The Nose, at 1:06)?
An experienced worm would know that carrying anything of value in such a bag in the neighborhoods to which I would require him to travel is asking to be rolled. There's a reason they call them Rolexes.
I'm fascinated by this glimpse into what Hollywood's long history of everything you want boils down to.
Things go better with Coke.
( Let's just say that this is, in fact, Jordan's NSFW pic of Sheen's coffee table. )
I have to say it took me seconds to capisce what the framing device in the foreground is. Having slept on it, I find it even weirder than I found it yesterday when I first saw this pic on Gawker. The surreal abstraction properties of photography are well-known and one of the attributes of modernity, as Gogol knew, long before Gawker, when he wrote his seminal flaneur short story, The Nose. Sheen, as we all now know, thanks to the garrulous Nose, spent three hours watching porn with The Nose and critiquing the angles. We now understand that the film of it all is part of the hottness, if not the hottness itself.
The other thing Gawker did -- and clearly they get around more than I do because they pegged the coffee table as an IKEA Magiker -- was list the contents on the table top. These will form Sheen's epitaph:
- Mouthwash
- Coca-Cola
- Lysol wipes
- Prescription drugs
- Fiji water
- Marlboros
- Cologne
A bong (?)"Bedhead After Party" Hair Cream- Lube (?)
- An Ikea "Magiker" coffee table
- A porn star's Nose
http://gawker.com/5745506/charlie-sheens-porn-star-pal-posted-a-party-pic
I am aware, thanks to reading the autobography of Bill Wyman, of trix that can be turned with mouthwash. But none with Lysol wipes. Which leads me to wonder what a guy with three to five porn stars under 22 in his house wants with Lysol wipes? Or lube? Ditto the downscale and discontinued particleboard coffee table in the house of a guy who makes $50-plus million a year? Why are his bedhead hair grease and cologne on the coffee table? I should think your natural checks appeal would keep three to five porn stars under 22 moist enough.
If you know a gross use for Lysol wipes, don't tell it to me. Unless it is to wipe off the landline after the worm you employ to telephone the three to five porn stars under 22 and request the pleasure of their company at Charlie's house performs its procuring. Me, I require my procurer, Shorty, to use his personal cell phone (he gets a new pre-paid one every three weeks and also knows where the last three surviving pay phones are), because I don't want his cooties or his contacts on or in anything of mine. Maybe the Lysol wipes are for the pay phones. In which case, does Shorty carry them around in a fanny pack? Or a Gucci messenger bag (referenced here by The Nose, at 1:06)?
An experienced worm would know that carrying anything of value in such a bag in the neighborhoods to which I would require him to travel is asking to be rolled. There's a reason they call them Rolexes.
I'm fascinated by this glimpse into what Hollywood's long history of everything you want boils down to.
Things go better with Coke.
