MEGO Ledes

[purejuice]

There are many first sentences in many news stories which I ought to read, if I were any kind of a cultured person, or indeed a mensch, at all, which Make my Eyes Glaze Over.

Herewith, the beginning of an occasional series.

In retrospect, it should always have been clear that the polarizing New York indie-rock band Vampire Weekend had a little bit of ska in its DNA.

• In retrospect... establishes Jon Caramanica, the author of this shit, as a long time, and way hipper-than-thou, connoisseur of whatever is about to follow. These two words of self-referential pomposity alone make MEGO. It's not news.
• ...it should always have been clear.... establishes the certainty that Caramanica is smarter than you are, even though you might well have already taken bullet one in, that he is a long-time connoisseur of whatever follows, ergo, he's stickin' this insufferable white boy rock critic etiolated philosophy major superiority -- but can you dance, fat boy? -- to you. By this time, you have received your warning on the upcoming assault of exclusionary jargon. But wait, there is
• another chest-beating reference to Caramanica's own New York City rocker political and critical scrupulosity in his labelling of the subject in question, which, I point out, we haven't gotten to yet, having had to wade through two different concepts to get to this one: ...polarizing...., which is so gasbaggily grandiose a political term relative to the stature of its subject that it is impossible to scan the rest of the piece to see if the author backs this claim he's making in the lede up, and then
• to string polarizing together with ...New York indie-rock band Vampire Weekend..., each word of which requires a separate act of cognition, whether or not Vampire Weekend and the whole phenom of naming rock bands just wants to make you puke, what's wrong with Harold Melvin and the Blue Notes, you assholes? and while
• one may pride one's self on one's own knowledge of the insider music connoisseur by knowing enough about ska to write a PhD. thesis, it is rude as a feature reporter to assume your reader knows anything at all about ska, especially in the lede to a story, especially in a one-sentence lede crammed with dissonant other concepts, jargon and attitude, and especially as the nut concept in the lede to the story: ska is the lede to the story and should probably have been the first word. It looks good in print and would grab peoples' attention. It is the first principle of writing a lede on a feature story to put the most important word first and follow it with an active verb. It might take you half an hour to figure out what that word is, but it's worth it. Finally,
• shit-for-brains, you don't say somebody has ska in their DNA in a sentence printed adjacent to a photograph of guess what, four more white boys. They have rhythm, do they? In their jeans? Like Harold Melvin and the Blue Notes? Who, by the way, can also dance?
  
  You fucking wish.

Update: The Beeb has reviewed this album, Contra, ecstatically with lots of nice clips. It's very very good.

Comments

[purejuice.livejournal.com]

i'm just now listening to clips on the bbc. the album is fantastic.

[villagecharm.livejournal.com]

The more I think about your excellent point that ska is the lede, the more I disapprove of that review. Jon Caramanica completely drops his "ska is in their DNA" thing until the last graf. He never develops what could be an interesting idea (ska is mutant New Orleans rhythm and blues appropriated by Jamaican dance bands in the 1950s; it's always been a cross-border music), and he shows the mainstream rock critic's habit of condescending to the unfamiliar - Operation Ivy, broken up lo these 21 years ago, was neither "late period" nor a "ska revival" band.

The ultimate sign this is a bad review, though: I can't even tell if he likes the record. I will check it out on your recommendation, though.

[purejuice.livejournal.com]

just read about your displeasure with indie rock, and the astute comments. i don't know if these characters will pass muster with you, but i'm kind of a fool for afro pop. i don't love bad brains, but i respect your good taste.

[villagecharm.livejournal.com]

Vampire Weekend seems too fun and bright to be indie rock, at least by my definition. When I think of indie rock, I think of slouchy recent graduates from liberal arts colleges wearing winter hats even though it's summer and making boring, self-indulgent elevator music on their laptops. Vampire Weekend's songs are a lot sharper and more, dare I say, danceable than bog-standard indie rock. And anyone who rhymes "horchata" with "Balaclava" is doing something right.

[purejuice.livejournal.com]

winter hats in the summer. smelling of bacon grease. elevator music on laptops. you're rilly good at this telling detail stuff.

i had my apotheosis with computer generated music on the corner of 17th and Q street walking the dog. a bakery van passed, playing loudly something old, with actual humans playing the drum and the rhythm guitar, with such a zingy touch and backbeat-music-of-the-sphereness, as if they were carving out of crystal the heavenly pulse hidden in the stone, and no mariah carey miasma (i think the actual term is melisma), but hitting the note square and true and just slightly sharp for efferverscence. the dog and i danced. just a little. i had not realized what a luddite i am and converted on the spot.