purejuice

OK. Here's my problem, and it's not just because I'm het vanilla. On the Rocks' performance of "Bad Romance" is better sung, danced and sexier than Gaga's.

Gaga is uh, pretentious. She can't move as well as the second lead singer of On the Rocks. She's a shameless sell-out (product placement). She's stuck. She kills her boyfriend every time. If she peeks through her Veed fingers one more time I'll scream. McCartney, not Lennon, and not even the McCartney of "Penny Lane".

I went to sleep last night having watched Gaga's "Bad Romance" and then, On the Rocks'. I woke up singing "Penny Lane" this morning, for reasons only the impeccable good taste of my id can explain. It is a masterpiece.

Penny Lane is in my ears and in my eyes
There beneath the blue suburban skies
I sit, and meanwhile back

In Penny Lane there is a fireman with an hourglass
And in his pocket is a portrait of the Queen.
He likes to keep his fire engine clean
It's a clean machine

Compare and contrast Gaga at her most allusive:

I want your psycho
Your vertigo shtick
Want you in my rear window
Baby you’re sick
I want your love
Love love love
I want your love

Gaga isn't even bad McCartney. The one thing about Gaga that makes me her slave is the fashion, and of that, I say a novena at the foot of Saint Paul Poiret in thanks for such a young lady's acknowledgement of Paris Is Burning as a seminal (snap!) fashion influence, which almost nobody knows. That, and the biting motion she makes at about 6:50 in the Miracle Whip scene in the "Telephone" video (clean version).

Miracle Whip! Ow!

This, in a word, is a chic New York chick. And a guido. She's witty. Which makes her very, very cute indeed.

But the Gaga parodies are better than she is. This, baby girl, is a problem.